Batman Begins

Saturday, March 24, 2007 -

JAGSHEMASH!!!! My third new post in a row......Hoo-Hah!!!....I'm really on a roll Baby.....hahaha....I was thinking I've already did the long winded recap post for my first comeback post and a more sentimental,nostalgic picture-heavy post for my second post.....so why don't I do an Straight-up humor-based post this time.........yeah!! No long winded recaps...none of the embarassing photos Huiling and Wenjun dread about.....Just Funny shit all the way......hahaha....been a long while since I did something like this.....

So Anyways.....this post will feature a entire selection of absolutely bizarre and sometimes laugh-out-loud funny ,comic-related stuff/images/clips that I discovered on the net.......like An auction for a famous comicbook artist's stinky,dirty and old as hell chair, The top 9 Most unintentionally funny and politically incorrect comic panels in comic history and the PG version of 300?!!

Alright.....first up....Everyone and their mums know that I'm a HUGE fan of Frank Miller.....I'll buy any comic he writes or draws,I have entire toylines based on his art,statues,trade paperbacks.....a complete collection of his work on Daredevil,Batman,Elektra,Sin City and any Damn comic he's done since 1990........you name it I've bought it!!....hahhha.........But jeezus christ on a pogo stick.......I draw the line at buying smelly-ass,shit stained,decade old,ugly as hell Art Chairs that belong to Frank Miller .......hahhah......I'm sorry I just can't do it Frank!!.....hahha....I absolutely cracked up when I saw this auction by the Comicbook legal defence fund for Frank Miller's 10 year old chair that has a starting bid of $500 and a reserve price of like $1000...........BWAHHAHA!!.....What's next?A $200 auction For a bottle of Frank Miller's piss that he released while in the midst of drawing 300?!hahaha.......

I was telling Wenjun about this auction about it the other day and She was pretty amused but seemingly stunned......well here's Actual Photographic evidence and the auction listing for this One-of-a kind piece of Comic artifact that will be the envy of all brain damaged comic-fans everywhere!!hahaha..

Here's the listing and description and pictures for this Rare collector's item at!

http://cgi.ebay.com/Frank-Miller-s-Art-Chair-UNIQUE_W0QQitemZ140063232741QQihZ004QQcategoryZ48776QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

"For the past decade, Frank Miller has drawn his incredible graphic novels on this one-of-a-kind art chair, and now it can be yours! The ultimate item for the true Miller fan, this item is signed on the leg rest with a sketch of Marv on the seat. Now you can have a unique piece of comics history – the studio chair that Sin City, The Dark Knight Strikes Again, and 300 were all drawn on. All proceeds from this auction benefit the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund’s fight to defend the First Amendment Rights of the comics field! "

Behold !!Feast Your eyes upon the velvet Throne of The Comicbook God-king,Frank Miller himself!!

CRIKEY!!!A one of a kind arm chair?a unique piece of comic history??.........WOW!!By one of a kind arm chair did they mean that none of the other same models of arm chairs has the specially customized 10 year old brown stains and Butt-hole scented fabric that this chair does???hahhaha......and a Unique piece of comic history? Boy did Frank Miller really managed to shat out out this unique piece of comic history!!I wonder how long did he spend in the toilet??hahhaha.......

Man oh man......You know what?They should have let me take charge of this auction....with my mouth,I could sell condoms to Nuns and a annual subscription of Maxim to Pro-feminists groups!!hahaha.....I would have written a product description for this art chair that would have propelled the final bid to $5000 and made all Frank Miller fans salivate for it......a description that would have made Mighty King leonidas himself proud!!!

Here's my own,new and improved version of the product description that I would have used if I was in charge of the auction:

eBay:Frank Miller's Art Chair - You-nique!

Description:

Hey there true Believers!!! This special auction is especially for all You Frank miller-maniacs and other Date-less wonders out there......It's a Once in a lifetime pportunity to own A Rare Piece of comic history......THE Holy Grail of all Comicbook artifacts!!! >Drum Roll please<......I give you......Frank Miller's 10 Year Old Art Chair!!!! WOW!!.....Behold....This is The very same Throne that comic-book deity, Frank Miller himself doth sat when he drew his award winning graphic novels: Sin City,The Dark Knight Returns and 300!!!It's the closest you'll ever get to Frank Miller's ass without getting your own ass sued!!!!

Feast your unworthy eyes upon the chair's rich,velvety fart-flavored Imitation-Leather that Nobody sane would pay $5 bucks for........lower your head and breathe deep.....have your very nostrils seared by the white hot residual farts that Frank Miller has deposited on the chair Lo these many years and be inspired.........Plus look deeper and you'll uncover the hidden brown marks left behind one fine day by Frank Miller himself,when he had an explosion of inspiration while drawing the climatic battle between the Spartans and Persians after consuming one too many Egg Mayo sandwiches.....It most definitely Ain't Chocolate he left on the seat Fanboy!!!Ha!Take it all in and gain A deeper understanding.......as to what King Leonidas meant when he said :"TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!!!"....For you'll most certainly dine in hell with Leonidas and his 300 after one too many whiffs.....Guaranteed or your money back!!

But.....that's not all......Frank Miller has personally thrown in a super detailed sketch of Marv From Sin City that took him 0.3 seconds to draw ,which strategically covers any visible pee stains on the chair at no extra charge at all...VANDALISM of your future property FOR ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!!.....PLUS......included on the leg rest of the chair is Frank Miller's actual autograph....no its not his initials "FM"...and no...your eyes do not Deceive you.....The master of comicbook art really did graciously agree to write a big "F U" (The "U" is tilted anti-clockwise) to the winner of this auction....cos You'll definitely understand how he "Effed U" big time once you cough out $1000 and see the condition of this chair.......so what are you fanboys waiting for? This beauty of a chair has enough Bodily fluids left behind by Frank Miller to clone you your very own Frank Miller......with a low Starting bid of $500 and a reserve price of $1000....ITS A STEAL I TELL YA!!!!(Literally!).....so anybody asks about the chair.....

"Go tell the Spartans,Passerby,that here by Spartan Law, Frank Miller's ass lies!!!"

Hahahah......C'mon....tell me if that ain't the best damn Product description for a comic-book related product that You've ever seen!!!Damn I'm good..........hahaha

Alrighty..........Next on the list......I'm gonna list down some of THE most unintentionally funny and politically incorrect Comic panels to have ever appeared in the history of comics......especially in the context of today's world.....some of this panels made me laugh my ass off man when I first saw them on one of those Comic sites I frequent.....haha.....

Back when the world was a much less politically correct place....Many of the comics written and drawn back in the 30's all the way to the 70's contained really horrible ethnic stereotypes,rascism and other totally bizarre shit that would make any sane man blush in today's world........Japanese were drawn as Squinty eyed,buck-toothed,yellow skinned creatures who spoke in broken english, African Americans were colored completely in black with a big red circle for their mouths that would have made the Takoyaki shop's Octopus mascot green with envy,women were treated as damsels in distress and sexual objects and young children were frequently dressed in revealing tights and thrown in harm's way......

So look at the following panel's with the scrutiny of modern standards and enjoy the politically incorrectness of it all......I know I did!!!hahaha......

WARNING:MATURE CONTENT........haha

1) JOKER'S ON VIAGRA AGAIN

>Ahem< .......ermm....I'm not sure what the term "Boner" meant back in the 50's......but the exact meaning of a "Boner" today means to have a......Hard-on...err....a Big physical reaction due to physical arousal byErotic stimuli............hahaha...Apparently the Joker is an easily excitable,hormonally charged Clown Prince of crime!!!hahhah

Damn!!!Dat fool just won't shut up about the boners....hahha.....Pumping his fist up and down suggestively and ranting about how Gotham City is laughing at his unimpressive appendage and about showing them how many BONERS he can make........Jumping Jeezus H Christ Joker!!Give it a rest already.......you'll go blind with the amount of self-servicing you're doing!!....shit dude.......Viagra truly lost a champion Spokesperson for its pills the day you decided to work as a clown....hahhaha

2) Archie's Really Good with his hands......

"I sure did Betty!I had to Beat Off 3 other guys!!".........As if Joker doing all those self-servicing ain't bad enough.....Archie andrews decided to turn it into one BIG Global franchise.....trumping the Joker's record and Beating off 3 guys at once!!!!!Leaving all three guys in a daze and seeing stars!!! HOLY CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME Batman!!!..........hahhaha

3) Aunt May finally finds out what Peter parker has been doing in his room all day...

BWAHHAHAHA!!!! In the third and final example of what people meant by "Too much of a Good thing"...........Poor old Aunt May finally discovers what PeterParker is always doing when he locks himself in the room with all those pictures of Mary Jane watson.........hahaha....in fact Ol' Pete has been going at it so many times that sticky fluid is literally SEEPING outta his room........Christ......Why can't I get bitten by a Radioactive Spider!!DAMMIT!

4.) Dr Doom don't like No Chocolate face......

"My Men reported a Crazy Black Man in the Fantastic Four's craft.."?!?!......looks like in addition to being a tyrant,despot and all around bad egg.....Dr Doom is also one helluva Rascist ass.....YO!Just because A Brutha be wearing some bling-tastic Tiara on his head dun mean he's one crazy Muthaf**king nigga ya whiteboy......DAMN!where's the love Cracka?....Dun hate the playa man...hate the game!!!

5.) Reed Richards: Feminist's Enemy number one.....

Reed Richards,leader of the Fantastic four,Brilliant Inventor,Brave explorer,Prominent scientist,loving Husband and Father and......All-Around Sexist male Chauvinist pig?!?!.............errrr.......Reed.... "FINE!Wives should be kissed--and not heard!!"?!?!....WTH........this is as bad as the time you told Sue Richards to "Shut up and Get me a sandwich woman!!"......hahahaha.........You can create time portals,flying hover crafts and dimensional gateways but You can't create something to help you develop some basic respect for women??haha

6) Lois's robotic adultery...

Poor Lois Lane......looks like Superman is always too busy saving the world and Neglecting her most basic needs....so much so that she has to seek Comfort in the arms of a Robotic Lover with a helluva serious Butt-fetish.........hahha....things are getting so rough for Lois Lane that she can't even sit down properly and have a decent meal after pulling an all-nighter with her Robotic boy toy......hahhha.....Kick ass!!LOL!

7.)Robin's Indecent exposure.....

Now that's JUST PLAIN WRONG!!! .....C'mon Robin......geez...you're only a 13 year old kid.....you should be playing G.I.Joes and your computer games....Not waiting for Batman to land his plane ,turning on some sweet sensual stripping music on the radio....so that you can.....EXPOSE yourself!!

Back in the 50's,A Famed psychologists,Dr Fredric Wertham wrote a book called "Seduction of The Innocent"....where he decided to analyze Comicbooks and characters(A child's medium at that time) from a adult perspective......and he attempted to blame Juvenile delinquency on the reading of comics...he even went so far as to cite Batman and Robin as a "Gay couple"......because of them spending all that time together in the batcave ,and because of,and I quote him, "Batman's Broad,barrel chest and portruding manhood" and "Robin's unaturally tight and inappropriate shorts that leaves little to Imagination.".....hahha....SICKO........

But I gotta admit......Robin's little stunt in this panel is gonna send the child abuse groups straight to the door steps of stately Wayne Manor......ahahha....Listen Robin...I know your true identity is Dick Grayson...but You don't have to try so hard to live up to your name!!!Take it slow kid.......hahha

8.) HOLY PAEDOPHILIA BATMAN!

My all-time Favorite comicbook character is Batman......but sometimes I just don't agree with his methods...haha....he's really let his fans(and pants) down this time.......damn......This Panel says it all......In a moment of weakness.....The Caped crusader has shamefully succumbed and taken Robin up on his offer from the previous panel......I'm speechless.....

When a mega powerful Justice League Villain places a curse on the Justice League members and everyone else they have EVER TOUCHED.......all the heroes are taken a back and worry for their respective spouses and lovers...like The Flash worrying about his Wife,Iris Allen, The atom worrying for his fiancee...Jean Loring, and Green Lantern worrying for his long time mate Carol Ferris.....but the first name that comes to Batman's mind when the Villian said that everyone they ever TOUCHED is doomed?....Robin's name........H-o-l-y- s-h-i-t.....Hahahhaa

Ain't it weird that while the other grown men worry about the women and lovers in their lives after the curse is places......Batman instead decides at that PARTICULAR moment to think about a 13 year old boy.....instead of let's say......his Fiancee Julie Madison,His ex-girlfriend Vicki Vale or even his long time crush...Catwoman?......Damn......The Dark Knight sure can give Micheal Jackson a good run for his money!!!...haahha

And there you have it.......the 8 most politically incorrect panels in the 21st century!!hahaha..See who says comics are for kids?Comics are scary little nuggests of pictures and words specifically designed to drive Young Children into therapy......hahaha

Anyways.....now it's time for the PG-version of 300 that I promised..........after the success of 300, The studios decided to release a PG trailer of 300 to appeal to young children and kids.......turning 300 from a violent R-rated film to a sweet and cheery film that will delight Kids of any age!!

http://black20.com/virals/?s=69

Awwwww...These Spartans are Sugar and Spice and Everything nice!!!hahaha

Oh and in case anyone hasn't seen this yet,here's a link to the Matrix farts........a hilarious montage of ad-libbed scenes added to the original Matrix Movie that gives whole new meanings to the scene when Morpheus asks Neo 'Do you think this air you're breathing?" and when the Oracle's proudly proclaims:"Smell good don't they?".....hahha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uf5hmUWv84Y

And the last clip of the day....Have you ever wondered what Frank Miller's studio and home looks like or how extensive is the amount of free movie props,toys and statues based on his work that he has accumulated over the years? If you think that my collection of comicbook stuff is insane......you should check out this clip as Frank Miller shows us all his toys he has in his Big-ass studio........Spartan Helmets,Guns,Sin City toys,champagne and statues and even A Hattori Hanzo sword given to him by Quentin Tarantino which was used by Miho in Sin City The movie..........damn....only difference between his collection and mine? His is bigger and he did'nt have to pay a damn cent for anything.....LOL....Man when I saw his studio...I died and went to heaven...hahah....check it out:

http://www.spacecast.com/videoplayer_3674.aspx

http://www.spacecast.com/videoplayer_3675.aspx

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So on to the very last item for this blog post............this last part is gonna be a simple exercise in spontaneity.......to help me determine how spontaneous I still am after having NS kill so many of my brain cells for the past year and the half.........Ya know how everytime I've keep teasing Gerald about her funny play-on-words by naming her site You-nique.blogspot.com(Go Buy your jewellery there!!hahha)??.....well For the next paragraph,I'm gonna test the limits of my spontaneity by writing an entire paragraph in one sitting and see how fast my head works and how many times within a sentence I can do a play on words with the word"YOU" by substituting it for similar sounding words AND HAVE IT ALL STILL MAKE SENSE SOMEHOW.......for example...Unique will be You-nique,United will be You-nited and Universe will be You-niverse,etc....hahha......so the following paragrapgh will be written in real time,in one long ass seating with no breaks in between so I can see how long I can write and last before I drive both me and Gerald insane...........I'm gonna give myself one point for every play-on-words I come up with...hahhaha....alright.....Let's go!!

You-hoo(Yoohoo)!!!!! My name is Barry Tan and my favorite movies are ,You-niversal(Universal) Soldiers,The You-sual (Usual)Suspects,You-mizaru(Umizaru) and He-man and the Masters of the You-niverse(Universe). My Biggest wish for the year is to be able to travel to You-kraine(Ukraine),You-ganda (Uganda) and You-tah (Utah)in the You-nited(United) states of America while still being able to pay my you-tilitie(Utilitie) bills with the amount of money I saved in accounts from You-OB (UOB)Bank and Overseas You-nited Bank(OUB).My Fav Past times include watching music video clips on Youtube(Not a play on words mind u!) of my favorite bands like 'Elevation" by You-2(U2), "Fools rush in"Youb40(UB40) and "Sweet dreams" by Annie Lennox and the You-rythymics(Eurythymics) which just gets me absolutely You-phoric(Euphoric)!,Plus I also enjoying trading You-Gi-Oh (Yu-Gi-oh)cards and making Poly-You-rethene(Polyurethene) statues of You-nicorns(unicorns) in my free time and applying sun-tan lotion to protect me from You-V (UV) Rays and I also love shopping at Sei-You(Seiyu) for my fav t-shirts from the You-nited colors of Benetton(United colors of Benetton). My favorite food is Dou Jiang You Tiao(Dou Jiang Yu Tiao) and flavored almond beancurd from You-nicurd(Unicurd) Ptd ltd.My short term goals include hanging up my You-niform(Uniform) for good when I ORD from my military You-nit(Unit) in September and Specialise in my favorite subject of You-nitarism(Unitarism) ....but not marketing*sorry to let you down My marketing teacher, Mr Yik Khai You (Yew) * in either N-You-S(NUS), NT-You(NTU),SM-You(SMU) or the You-niversity(University) of Wolongong in SIM.My long term goals include getting a good job in the Worker's You-nion(Union), getting married with two kids,You-gene(Eugene) if it's a boy and You-ki (Yuki) if it's a girl and live in a nice condominium You-nit(Unit) with a sea V-You(View)at either You-nos (Eunos)or You Tong sen street (Eu Tong Sen Street) which will be my idea of a perfect You-topia (Utopia).....This is of course if I manage to have kids before wenjun makes me into a You-Nuch(Eunuch) with her constant beatings..hahha.......Alright that's quite enough,I getting a headache writing all these "Yous"...Ithink I'm gonna rub some medicated Feng You(Feng Yu) on my forehead and lie down and have a nice cup of You-meishu(Uneishu) plum wine.....but not too much otherwise I'll be You-sing(using) the You-rinal(urinal) in the you-nisex(Unisex) toilet for an un-you-sually (unusual) high number of times before I sleep......ok See You all....

And..........That's a wrap!!!!.........>PH-YOU<...........I mean >PHEW<...Oh God......what Is happening to me??!?!....I Can't stop myself!!!.........hahaha....A total of 46 points for 46 different play on words excluding >Ph-you<...hahaha.....It's a new record Ladies and Gentlemen......

Ok....Man Am I Beat after writing all that.....I think I'm gonna rest for the rest of the night and watch some Programs on Channel You......errrrr U......haahha.....Nah I'm going straight to work on my two page Batman Origin story that I drawing in my Detail-intensive,non-cartoony art style........Hhaha...Now that I'm cutting costs bystaying at home,there's no other better time to draw and complete previously uncompleted work then the present....Damn I'm all fired up about drawing it....I already finished drawing the first Panel of Young Bruce wayne howling in Anger at his parent's grave the last time I booked out of camp....Today I'm gonna do the panel of his Parents getting shot to death.........Can't wait to kill them off.....hahha....dun worry Dick "Expose Myself" Grayson ain't gonna be featured in the story..........hahhaha....By the End of March,I should have completed the 2 page story.........pencils,inks,inkwash,lettering and all.....YEAH!!

Oh and one last thing..............I heard that my Blog is black and depressing? Of Cos If It ain't all bright,cheery and colorful ...what do you think this blog is? This ain't Sunnyboy.blogspot.com!!?hahhaha.....I dun go "YEA!" and "Tee Hee".....I go "Dammit" and 'Bullshit!" lar dammit!!haahhaa............so unless I get knocked on the head by an an ACME anvil and become inexplicably cheery.....for the forseeable future this Blog is going to be as black and depressing as a Bangla worker earning minimum wage!!hahhaha.....

Oh well............till the next time...........See ya.....

8:51 AM