Friday, June 17, 2005 -


Another new entry from me........this time I'll talking about about Mr and Mrs Smith,the list of things I like to do with Angelina Jolie's luscious lips and Batman Begins .....oh and provide some links to some of the funniest video clips I've seen in awhile....and Best of all: I will answer the age-old riddle that has been puzzling everyone who knows me....why a realistic,practical,sarcastic cynic like Myself would ever have such a fascination andsoft spot for such a seemingly childish,fantasy-based childhood superhero in tights like Batman??! Be prepared to be dazzled by my masterful command of english and my knowledge of everything Batman-related!!!

*Parental Guidance: Parts of The following post may contain higher levels of pure comicbook Geekery then kids Above the age of 16 can take....*

Ok.....now let's talk about Mr and Mrs Smith..........I caught it with Huiling and Wenjun last Thursday and It was a very entertaining Popcorn flick.....Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had great chemistry and the premise of the film was quite funny......if I had to summarize the entire plot of Mr and Mrs smith, it would be: "Beautiful People blowing shit up.".......its true, the two hour movie consist of two very Good Looking stars blowing random shit for the duration of the movie ...Helicopters,buildings,lifts,each other........hahaha (Ok the last one is not true but a guy can dream,can't he?!)...

Brad Pitt is the male lead and he's looks very good for someone in his forties, good physique,ruggedly chiselled looks,charisma.......Ah WTH!!....who cares about Brad Pitt...haha...I wanna talk about that sweet,gorgeous minx of a woman...Angelina Jolie!!!!

Damn.....Angelina Jolie is the sexiest Female star in Hollywood now man....ain't no competition.....great eyes, Great smile,great physique( she can go from a C-cup to a D-cup by stuffing two tinny pieces of pading in her Bra for Tomb Raider...that is amazing considering many women nowadays can't even hit a c cup after stuffing an entire box of tissues in their bra...hahha) and most importantly she got the nicest lips I have ever seen.......it's difficult to describe.......her lips are more prominent then most people lips but in a very flattering way and it's not so prominent that it looks thick...it just looks perfect...bouncy,luscious and...Munchable.......yes...Munchable.....a man could spend hours munching her lips.......beautiful...hahhaha.....yes...I'm feeling like Homer Simpson now....."Mmmmmmmm....Lips...."

Also not only is she physically gorgeous.......she carries herself with a lot of poise and intelligence too........That's why Fiona Xie being voted Sexiest women in FHM over Angelina is a joke.........she may look nice but she carries herself like some eager to please 15 yr old girl....Angelina Jolie is not only sexy,wild but she looks like someone you can have an intellectual conversation with for hours....she just radiates a high level of confidence.......very sexy......but to tell you the truth even if she behaved like a air headed bimbo...see if I care!!..her lips more then makes up for it...hahahha

Well all in all.......a very entertaining flick.......I think I'll rate it like 8/10...........0.5 for the story and 7.5 for seeing Angelina Jolie in a black leather Bondage suit........haha

Alright For this week ........it's been a light week.......attended my Grand Mother's birthday dinner on tuesday, went Toa Payoh central on Monday, caught up with some old friends during this week,went to the nearby Pasar Malam, on friday went to buy groceries with my parents at Sheng Xiong for some big family BBQ during the weekend and for the rest of the week I've been watching vcds and DVDS and working out..........

I finished watching all 29 episodes of Batman the animated series boxed set, finished watching this Movie called "I want to be a Model" by Ronald Cheng and my future wife, Karena Lam that I bought from Hong Kong.....which is this cross between Zoolander and Miss Congeniality...hahha......I don't need to tell you just how cute Karena Lam is because that will take another 10-20 paragraphs...but damn she's really got this cute,dimply,infectious smile....Sometimes while watching this movie I would inexplicably start smiling to myself while watching her.......thats extremely bizarre...considering that anybody who's know me knows that I only smile once every Leap year and I have two kinds of facial expression.....stern and sterner...hahahaha....she's kinda meaty for a Hong Kong star though.....but it's better for girls to be alittle meaty as opposed to stick-thin....few stick-thin girls ever look very nice cos of their frail physique....

Now I'm watching this new Sammi Cheng/ Louis Koo TVB television series.......almost halfway through.......not bad but nothing fantastic either....basically this story is supposed to be about Dogs...Or at least I think it is...Louis Koo is a very happy-go-lucky and slacky nice guy who's a policeman and he get transferred to the "Dog" department of the Police Force and becomes very close to this huge ass black Dog called Rocky after Rocky saves his life....Sammi Cheng is his sister's friend who was engaged to this script writer but broke off the engagement after her Boyfriend cheated on her with her colleague, Louis Koo takes a liking to Sammi Cheng and treats her nicely and then next thing you know .......suddenly he's carrying and hugging her on a beach after not daring to express his feelings for her!!....wah lau...damn steady siar.....he bypass the whole courtship and hand-holding process and goes straight to the hugging stage........oh and the pretty Lee San San is in the show too.......acting as Louis Koo's commanding officer......as for the story........well that's as much as I can tell you cos I haven't watch the rest of the series yet!!.....hahahah...........overall quite okay show lar....although sometimes its get bizarre, sometimes the dogs in the show can start talking and the background music is really weird.....they play all kinds of music from Aerosmith to The Corrs to Spice Girls........hope I can finish the series by next week or so......because I don't like to watch too many hours of the same show a day as I tend to forget Plot points....

After Watching the Louis Koo/Sammi Cheng series I'm gonna start watching my Ghost in the Shell Boxed set that i bought for only $10......and then maybe start watching some Anthony Wong,Louis Koo, Eric Tsang VCDS that were given to me recently......the vcds consist of some gangster shows like The Young ones starring Louis koo,horror shows like Troublesome Nights 6,7,15 starring Louis Koo and Eric Tsang and Law Lan( In case that name is not familliar to you...I'm sure anybody who's ever seen a hong kong ghost story has seen her.....she's this old lady who's always acting in ghost shows, if you see a chinese horror movie with this old lady at the side of the road beckoning people to come to her....yup...that's law lan)..........damn recently like got one assload of vcds to watch.......all this and I haven't even bought my long awaited Constantine deluxe 2 disc DVD yet!!!

So anyways Felix and Liang Jie finally booked out of Tekong on friday, two weeks after their enlistment......both of them lost quite a lot of weight...felix told me he lost like close to 10 kg....good stuff..I hope their progress continues......and on Saturday me,felix,Wenjun,Huiling,Geraldine and Ah Liang ( and his two friends Edward and Jeremy)finally caught............Batman Begins!!! Finally after that goddamn stupid corny 4th movie Batman and Robin ......Batman gets a fresh start more then 7 years later........and if You ask me...Its's about Damn time!!!

I gotta say I liked this movie...more so then the previous ones....I know what you're saying..."It's Freaking Batman...of course you'll like it lar!!"....well I never liked the previous four Batman movies......for the first 2 films,Tim Burton is a fantastic director but sometimes although his visuals are great but his movies tend to get a little too weird and bizarre at times......he made The Penguin into some deformed freak who was raised by actual penguins,living with his own circus troupe,transports himself around in a huge yellow duck and bleed green blood and he made Catwoman into some undead secretary resurrected by a hundred cats gnawing at her dead body.......and as For Joel Schumacher's two bat films.....shit man....the less is said the better.......neon lights,rubble nipples, fake bulging crotch pieces,Bat credit cards,etc...........he killed the freaking Batman franchise for the next 7 years because of his crazy homo-erotic version of Batman.........now Batman Begins is a good return to form: It basically Batman versus Terrorists who want to take down his city.........it works well in the post 9/11 world we live in....

Though I understand if the general public don't really like this movie cos many people expect this to be a big action movie....but instead it starts off slow by establishing Batman's training and origin and Batman appears only after the first hour of the movie.....the film was directed by Christopher Nolan, who usually only directs smaller psychological thrillers like Memento and Insomnia and instead of the same old action-packed movie.....he gave us a look at the person behind Batman's mask and what actually drives him to fight crime night after night, thus we can kinda indentify with his motivations.....this is an important element the first 4 films lacked....cos in those shows, you just did'nt give a damn about Bruce Wayne.......I thought there was a nice balance to the film.....for the first hour, we slowly watch Bruce wayne's story unravel...and for the second hour it's pretty much all action once Batman appears....

The only thing in the film that I did'nt really like was the fight scenes.......too choppy and undecipherable......the Director said that he wanted Batman to move so fast that he's like this horrible creature that takes down criminals in a blur.....and it's true that in a real fight with quite a few people involved.....it's pretty much very chaotic and somes time you dunno wat's going on.....but If I wanted reality, I'll just walk down my block and pick a fight......haahha...I want some cool- ass, ninja-whamma jamma, Yuen Woo Ping Choreographed fight scenes man!!

I give it a rating of 8/10.......its slow at parts but nice to see a Smart,introspective Superhero movie for once....

I don't have time to elaborate on each character in the films because if I do, I'm pretty sure after you read the whole thin... Batman Begins 2 will already be playing in theatres.......so For those of you who want more background information on the characters in the film, go to this site:

http://www.moviepoopshoot.com/comics101/118.html

Ok now I got something damn damn funny to share with you guys........seriously the video clips linked below is so crude and funny.....one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen........basically Conan O'brien is one of the best Late night talkshow hosts in America and he has this segment where he sents his Reporter....Truimph the cigar smoking dog(who's a hand puppet) to interview real people from big events such as the people waiting outside court for the trial of Micheal Jackson and the fans queing up for the premiere of Star wars movies.......and he goes around insulting everybody from the people to Micheal Jackon himself....its damn crude and hilarious man....laughed my ass off...beware...the humor is edgy and might turn off some people.....here are some of my favorite jokes that Truimph cracked from the two video clips I watched:

From The Micheal Jackson trial:

1.) Truimph the hand puppet dog interviews this female reporter outside the courthouse and says:" Ok so you've been here for weeks,you know what's going on...so let me ask you....from a scale of 1 to 10..how old do you think Micheal Jackson's Boyfriend is?"....LOL..

2.) He talks to this black fan of Micheal and he says:" Micheal and I have many things in common....we're both made of plastic and we both like the occasional hand up our ass!".....BWAhahahhaa

3.) He sees this Impersonator of Micheal Jackson and he tells him:" Wow...this is amazing ...you got the same hair as Micheal...the same clothes....even the same Vagina!!"

4.) After that...he disturbs the micheal jackson impersonator again.....he says:"ok now can you sing like micheal?" and the impersonator sings exactly like Micheal Jackson...and after that he asks:" Ok... Now Moonwalk like Micheal!!"...so the impersonator moonwalks.....and after that he says:" That's amazing...ok, now do Micheal Jackson masturbating Home alone!!".....

5.) Next he approaches some fan outside the court,waiting behind the fence...and Truimph says..." Micheal Jackson is innocent!!"...then he shows this huge board of Micheal Jackson's different faces after his many surgeries.."awww c'mon does this look like the faces of someone who would lie to you?"...........then after that the fan ignores him...so he goes way and says he'll be back...and then after that he returns, changed from a black colored dog to a white colored dog with long hair and he starts singing:" I'm looking at the man in the mirror...I'm asking if he change his mind!!"....the fan gives him the finger.....hahhahaha...Hilarious man...

The Star wars clip:

1.) He sees this pregnant woman outside the theatre queing up and he interviews her:" so what's going on here....you got a little future nerd in there....so when is the baby due?"....the woman says :"on 27th june"...then truimph the dog says:" congratulations!! That'll be the very last time the kid will ever see Female Genitalia!!"....hahahha

2.) He interviews a random group of teenagers...then he says:" You guys are star wars fans....you like some spoilers??....well I got some spoilers for you.....You will die a Virgin!!!"

3.) He interviews this fat guy dressed up as a Jedi master and he asks him:"what are you dressed up as...a Jedi master...so what are the principles of Jedi Knights?....so the guy says:" errm...defend truth and justice in the galaxy.."...and Truimph the dog says "yes...yes...and to eat alot of Peanut butter M&M's ?!"

4.) He sees a Darth Vader impersonator and he starts humping his shoulder and shouting:"I AM your Father!!!!"

5.) he sees this girl in the crowd and he approaches her and says:" wow an actual girl among all these geeks... you have the veritable pick of the litter ....you can choose among all kinds of guys who have no idea have to please you at all!!....c'mon who among you geeks will prove me wrong?!"....then this geek walks out and says "me!!!"...and truimph says"ahhahaha...you're gonna take up the challenge??....yeah right..and I'm screwing Lassy!!"

6.) He asks a group of nerds:" you guys ready for some Star Wars Trivia??...What is the substance Han Solo was frozen in??"......so the crowd shouts:" Carbonite!!"....and truimph the dog says:" I'm sorry...but the correct answer is....Who Gives a shit?!"

Damn,damn hilarious...never laughed so hard in a long time.........Singapore brand of humor has a long way to go before it can ever touch America's......check out the clips here.....it may take awhile for the micheal jackson clip to load...while the star wars one will load instantly....

The Micheal Jackon Clip:

http://download.ifilm.com/qt/portal/2672935_300.mov

The star wars Clip(click on the picture of the dog):

http://www.milkandcookies.com/article/924/

Now it's time to answer the million dollar question!!! Why would a hard edged Cynic like me ever be a fan of such a unrealistc,fantastical figure like Batman??! Anyone who knows me know that I don't build sandcastles in the air, have a pretty realistic view of things and I'm cynical about almost everything....so what appeal does a Man dressed in tights holds for someone like me??!

Like Me start off by saying.....that I hated Batman...... I never liked him when I was young....I was first introduced to Batman through the Superfriends cartoon in the 80's.......and I was always wondering what the hell is a middle-aged guy with no powers and this lame kid sidekick in pixie boots and green underwear doing among guys like Superman who was super strong,had heat vision,freeze breath and super speed...Wonder woman who had super strength and flight ...hell even aquaman could talk to sea animals and control them.......Batman felt so lame back then.....swinging on a rope and standing around doing pretty much nothing.....

The 60's live action television show with adam west and Burt ward did'nt do much to change my mind man....remember? the show opend with this WHAM!BAM!BIFF!POW!! montage of Batman fighting criminals and there was this lame Batman theme song..."Lalalalalalalalalala Batmaaaan!!"seeing this Batman running around with a big beer belly, with his sidekick Robin dressed in yellow and green and wearing stockings......fighting crime,trading Corny quips like"Holy Bird brain!! Batman!!"...it was just awful.....

Well years later I found out......Batman did'nt started out corny......he was the second Super Hero ever created behind Superman...and he first appeared in Detective Comics #27 in May,1939.......in the height of the great depression, where millions of kids would pay 10 cents for a comic and just lose themselves in this Fantasy world of heroes and bad guys for 20 mins to escape from the rigors of their effed up life...and when he first came out, he was already this dark,violent Vigilante who's enemies usually end up pretty much dead (although he did not physically kill them himself)......he was inspired by various heroic archetypes that came before him like Dick Tracy and The Shadow.....and 66 years later....he has gone on to be more popular then any of these characters....

The thing with the very first batch of heroes that were created is that that this heroes were moral figures created to educate and entertain kids about what is right and wrong...and many of them were actually inspired by heroic archetypes that have existed, in many forms for centuries like Samson,Moses,Hercules....I bet no one here knows that Superman's creator's Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster based Superman's origin on the story of Moses and Momotaro( Translation in chinese:Tao Tai Lang....the japanese folk lore about the boy from the Peach).....

I know what you're thinking...what the hell has Superman got to do with the story of Moses in the bible or Some Japanese folk lore?!He's an Alien from Krypton!!!........you might not realise that the underpinnings of the story found in both Momotaro and the story of moses is the same one used in Superman by his creators......think about it....In all three stories, A baby infant was sent away by his parents, who were faced with a big crisis, and arrived at this foreign land where he was adopted and raised by adoptive parents and when the infant reached adulthood, he went on to fufil his destiny......this sort of story structure has been around for centuries and have been adapted in many forms and cultures and will continue to survive for hundred of years to come....Be it Moses,Momotaro or Superman......the heroic archetype featured is the same and the foundations of the story remains unchanged...only the telling of the story is different:(e.g Moses arrived in a basket,Momotaro in a huge peach and Superman in a rocket ship)......so characters like Batman and Superman did'nt just appear fully formed right from the get-go.....they were actually inspired by many sources and heroic archetypes that came before them and we are familliar with.......that's why I like Superheroes, they're like a modern mythology......retelling classic stories of heroism and presenting heroic archetypes for the modern century....

Yup....which Brings us back to the Question of why I like Batman's character in particular........well among all the heroes, he's the most psychogically compelling and relatable of all Heroic archetypes in comicbooks.......I absolutely love his origin story....he has the most compelling and tragic origin of any superhero........he falls into a cavern and is scared witless by the bats underneath his house, his parents took him to watch the movie"Mark of zorro" and on the way home...they are robbed and Killed by a faceless criminal( in the comics the killer was nameless and was never caught) and in that instance...8 year old Bruce wayne made his parents a solemn vow as they bled to death in front of his eyes that he would"Rid the City of the evil that took their lives."...............

I know what everyone is saying at this point"it still don't explain why someone who suddenly decide to dress up as a bat and fight crime..its ridiculous!!"...........not really if you think about it....only an 8 year old would have such a riduculous idea of fighting crime as a masked vigilante........which is what Batman is in many ways.....because his life was shattered at 8 years old...in many ways Bruce Wayne nevered really reached a mental maturity or had a normal life that other kids had...so he held on to this fantasy of fighting crime as a masked vigilante because his favorite hero was zorro and he adopted the mantle of the Bat because it had scared him as a child and he wanted to harness that fear against criminals and face up to his own mental insecurities and fears he has had with bats.........so all sorts of seemingly seperate and unrelated elements coalesced to ultimately form the final product: Batman......

Amazing origin......and what's make it even more amazing was that Batman's co-creator Bill Finger came up with that origin in 1939......which is really way ahead of its time and even 66 years later....Batman's origin is still relevant and not outdated because human themes like loss of loved ones, Survivor's guilt and overcoming adversity won't ever be out of date.....

Ok at this point......and all that babbling...I still haven't answered the question have I? Ok....I'll say it now.....I like Batman not because of his ridiculous gadgets,his colorful villains or any of those stupid stuff......the idealist in me likes it because underneath all that ridiculousness is a very human story with relatable themes and Batman is a Heroic Archetype that one can identify with.........I mean I cannot identify with Superheroes who were rocketed from the planet Krypton or were bitten by radiactive spiders or blasted by gamma radiation.....because no way Am I going to be rocketed to Earth or get bitten by a radioactive spider or bus tyre or whatever in this lifetime..........but for the heroic archetype like Batman, if you strip everything to its bare bones its the story of a man,who life had dealt a very harsh blow early on in his life and who had to overcome great adversity and personal insecurities to become what he is today through sheer peserverance and determination is a more relatable and ultimately meaningful notion.......it ain't about the gadgets and shit....

*(Note: when i say Batman is more identifiable, I mean the basic human themes of his story...of overcoming adversity and hardship....I don't mean I can identify with him cos my parents got shot when I was 8 and I travelled the world to learn martial arts so I could avenge them by dressing up in black.......hahaha....nope...my parents are just fine, watching Japan Hour on ChannelNews Asia even as I type this...although I do dress up in black...but that's a personal color preference and represents nothing...hahhaha)

Alright I end this long ass rant about Batman with a qoute by the Great Frank Miller(creator of Sin City and Elektra) that pretty much sums up the appeal of Batman in a shorter and more coherent way then I am capable of..the quote is:

"Bruce Wayne is a man on a mission,but it's not one of vengeance.Bruce is Not after personal revenge...he's much bigger than that;He's much more noble then that. He wants the world to be a better place, where a young Bruce Wayne need not have to be a victim.....in a way, he's out to make himself unecessary. Batman is a hero who wishes he did'nt have to exist."

Nice.........at this point in time.....I have done 2 things....either 1.) I have provided you with greater insight into Batman's character and gave you an informative crash course in everything Batman related................or 2.) I have just wasted 30 mins of your time.......hahhahha......the idealist in me says that I manage to accomplish number one but the realist in me knows that I probably accomplished number two...LOL

Well Next week.........more vcds to watch,more working out.........Oh Yes and from the makers of the Infernal Aaffairs Trilogy......Initial D!!! Looking forward to that....hahha........Huiling,Wenjun and Geraldine will be starting their school term at SIM on 28th June.....the week after next.....so just wanna wish them girls the best of Luck..............and with YS being in the same school as them....They're probably gonna need all the luck they can get!!...hahhhaha

12:03 AM