Wednesday, August 30, 2006 -

Why have An additional Alternative title to this post?....more on the story behind that title later in this post....But....

First things first, as of the date of this post,give and take a few days.....I would have completed my first year in the Army and what a year it has been!! Full of ups and downs........Oh who the hell am I kidding? There only downs and no Ups!...hahaha...oh waitaminute...my bad ..there have been some Ups too ...Push Ups!!!!!

10 september.

3 and 1/2 months of BMT, 3 months for my Field Defence Course and 5 and 1/1 months of standing gate as an RP........12 mother-effing months........The Good news is I have completed my first year!!! The Bad News?? A frigging year more.....But I'm not gonna go all nostalgic on everybody's ass by having a 20 paragraph post about my First year in the army and recount all sorts of crazy events that happened to me in the army....

I just wanna say that joining NS has been a heckuva culture shock for me.....especially when I first entered......my first 2 confinement weeks were just so surreal...it was like my body was in tekong but my head was back in Mainland singapore.....as the weeks passed I really started to adapt and enjoy myself.By The Time I POPed......I actually thought BMT was a great experience.....Never missed a single important exercise in BMT...I'm glad I did'nt...

The 3 months in my Field Defence course were the most depressing few months of my life so no point bringing it up...I've written about it in great detail in Past Posts...

The Subsequent 5 and 1/1 mths that followed has been extremely monotonous and sometimes when I'm doing duty at time slots like 2am to 10 am,I sprawl my body on the gates like Jew in a nazi Concentration camp...wondering how the hell am I gonna do such repetitive,mindless work or survive on 4-5 hrs of sleep a day for another year.....but whatever will be will be.....y'know.....the future's not ours to see......errr.....que serra,serra....

To wrap things up....I think the first 3 over mths in BMT were the best times in my NS so far....The Constant training made you super fit and energetic and every other week we would learn new stuff like grenades,m-16 firing,rifle fighting,Marching drills......I'm happy I completed it without "Chao Keng-ing" at all.....and I'm proud to say that 9 mths after that I still haven't resorted to "chao Keng-ing" and have never shirked from my responsibilities or try to lie and cheat my way out when faced with Tough situations...

Anyways...In NS....you also meet all sorts of people...people who really inspire you to try harder and some of the worst people you have encountered in your life....and then there's the Freakos........life in NS would be unbearable without being able to mock,ridicule and jeer at these shmucks..... building your happiness on other people's misery is the surefire way to have an enjoyable NS life.....so compiled here for you viewing Pleasure is the TOP 3 WEIRDOS I MET IN THE ARMY:

1.)My BMT Buddy (Weiling)- otherwise known by the affectionate pet name I give him..."F*cktard"..hahaa....goddamn man...this guy does all kinds of downright dumb shit....getting up 3-4 times every night to pee and waking me up to accompany him because this scaredy-cat wuss of a man is apparently scared of Ghosts and other things that go bump in the night,losing components in his M-16 and doing guard duty as punishment all the time.....plus I give him major Freako points for having a brow that looks like the Martian Manhunter's and a jutting lower jaw that is the envy of all Chimpanzees......Jeezus Kheeriiiist.....This man here is the Missing link between ape and man....

2.) My BMT Platoon Mate (Farid)- This guy over here is a hyper sensitive guy, who's like a more effeminate version of David Gan and Abigail Chay,doesn't want to put in effort to do anything,goes to the Medical officer more frequently then a dialysis patient and if he's nt crying on the phone while talking to his parents at 5 am every morning,he's trying to escape doing the Obstacle course or getting his parents to call Our officer to tell him how fragile their boy is........oh and the most effed up thing? Everytime he pisses in the public urinal... he grabs his schlong in his hand after he's done and walks to the sink with his willie hanging out so that he can wash it in the sink....CRIKEY!!!

3.)My Current Platoon Mate(Yoda)- since I'm seeing him on a daily basis...let's just call him ZL or by his nick names..."Yoda" and "Gollum"...anyway this guy here is chinese but has a Chest so full of Hair that Austin Powers himself would be in awe of him....not only that he's super religious and keeps telling me to go to Church and absolve myself of my sins while at the same time being the most calculative and unhelpful guy in the platoon who thinks he can Forest Gump his way outta things........his level of hygiene ?...WHOOOOOAH NELLIE!!......this guy sweats even in an air-con room, hates to bathe and instead wipes himself with this towel, stuff the towel into both arm pits and then....puts that very same towel on his face when he sleeps!! Plus this fella's favorite snack?.... his own Boogers!!!!Plays with it in his fingers,twirling it with two fingers before passing it into his the two fingers of his other hand and then slipping it into his mouth when nobody is looking....said that he has 9 crushes all in the same bible class as him,claims he has never seen porn and yet has revealed that he jacks off by thinking abt his friends/crushes.......Shit Man..........this guy makes Frankenstein seem normal....

Now unto to more random bizarness and quirky bits......

Here's a bizarre story about my mum .....When I came home from camp the other day, she told me she was gonna go Bukit Panjang Plaza and get lunch and how she has sworn off buying food from the Kopitiam Foodcourt,due to this stupid system where you must buy a prepaid card(with a value of at least $5) and use it to but your food because they don't accept cash at the food stores anymore......and all the older folks buying food there were confused as hell about the new systems and thought that the card peddlars at Kopitiam were some charity workers getting them to donate some cash....anyways my mum thinks that paying cash is as straightforward as it comes and having to buy a card and then order the food and then refund the card if you have any leftover credit was needlessly complicated.....

So she saw a group of old folks having trouble comprehending what the hell was going on because they were'nt allowed to buy a cofffee when they had good money to pay for it...and then this young guy tried to get her to buy the card and telling her about the new system....and she gave him a piece of her mind for this stupid system and etc.....

Anyway I heard the story and promptly forgot about it.......couple of days later, when I was surfing the net...my Mum called loudly for me:"BOY!!Guess what happened?!"...I thought wat was the commotion about....... did that old bag Fang Tai(The female chef) collapsed of a heart attack in the midst of her cook show or something...

Turns out the guy at the food court that my mum scolded?He was a part time food court promoter who was also....the FREAKING Microsoft Word world Champion who beat 40,000 participants in 66 other countries at using Microsoftword in an annual competition in USA...and she read about him on page 4 of the New Paper on 30th august...hahhaha.....My mum really knows how to pick em'.....I told her that Maybe...just Maaaybe she was too tough on him and perhaps he wasn't as dumb as she thought....hahaha...and My Mum just looked at the New Paper in disbelief.....laughing and mumbling about how she scolded a "world champion"..haha...he may be a microsoft Word champ but as far as the spoken word is concerned...MY mum owns his ass!!hahaha

Now fer more strange shit.......you wanna know how I grew to possess such a flawless command over the English Language how I mastered my ABCS with ease? Proceed on to this link to find out ...just move your cursor over each character's head to find out what aphabet they represent...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/apelad/sets/72157594249181933/

My future Children and their children and their children's children shall no doubt be edlessly subjected to this wondrous way of learning their ABC's!!!! To hell with ELMO!! A IS FOR AQUAMAN!!!!V is for Vendetta!!!...So and so forth my dear little Poppets!!!hahahhaha.....Daddy loves ya!!!!

Wanna hear some bizarre and eerily prophetic stuff? I'm a Gosh darn Psychic.....freaking On par with the Oracle from the Matrix and Professor X..Combined!! I predicted my current plight/situation now....in 1999,about 7 years ago!!! Strange but true!!!

In 1999,when I was 16.....I decided to get an e-mail account......so I had to come up with a fancy shmancy e-mail address....so at the time my fvaorite comicbook was about a Character called the Sentry and Since sentry@hotmail.com was taken....I combined it with my age (16yrs old) at the time...and thus sentrey_16@hotmail.com was born.......I thought it was nifty at the time....

Who would have known that 7 years later......I would become an RP/Base Sentry.....doing sentry duties 5 days a week,on 24 hr shifts each day.......and the weirder part......my NS last two years...3 mths in BMT,3 1/2mths in my RP course......2 weeks of On the Job Training and one mth of accumulated leave and off....that leaves me exactly.....16 MTHS of working as an RP!!!!...........Sentry_16!!!?.........goddamn!!! How prophetic......somehow this freaking e-mail address dun seem so creative now!!

It's a source of embarrassment now man.....everytime i meet new folks in camp and they ask me for my e-mail...and when i say "sentry_16@hotmail.com".....they say stuff like:"Hahhahaa....looks like you really got your wish man!!hhaha"...I would find that ironically amusing if I did'nt just finish my 24 hr shift and standing 12 hrs straight.......Could'nt I just get more productive powers like magnetic powers or unbreakable claws...instead of having the pyschic ability to predict my own downfalls?! Dammit!!

Another story involving my Mum....who sometimes,unknowingly and unintentionally....deflates people's ego...like the Microsoft word champion's I bet..hahha.....anyway my parents and I went to the Flea Market at China Square and Lo and Behold at one of the stalls was small Time actor,Chen Tian Wen......(the guy who played this taxi Driver in Holland V drama that had a crush on Cynthia Koh).......he was selling some of his old stuff and I did'nt notice him...but my mum took one look at him,turned and proclaimed to me:"Boy...Hey it's this guy...the actor from TCS........wait...who is he...what's his name huh.....It's been so long...I can't remember his name.."....and she asked me,not knowing that Chen Tian Wen was like so damn close to her and looking straight at her.......anyway after she asked me,I turned and looked at Chen Tian Wen and he tipped his cap down with an expression of "Thanks for Reminding Me that I'm a small Time Has-been!!!" written all over his face.......and I answered:"Mmmmmm...seriously I got no idea who he is,mum..."...Hahhaha......Double Whammy!!!....and my mum tried to recall his name for the rest of the day...blissfully unaware that we just had a mother and son team up in deflating some poor random's celebrities' ego.....hahaha

Now wanna know why the additional title for the Post is called "How the Justice League made me wreck Somebody's car?"??.........well wonder no further....

On Tuesday,I was on my duty....anyway I was sent to this particular checkpoint that was manned by two guys....one guy would be sitted inside the small concrete checkpoint counter and would be responsible for pressing a button that would either raise or lower the electrical barrier and the other guy would be in front of the elctronic barrier....he would inspect any incoming car and when everything was okay he would signal the other person in the counter behind the barrier to raise the barrier and let the car through....so that's me and the other guy took turns to switch and man the barrier every hr or so.....

At Around 1.30pm, it was my turn to sit inside the checkpoint and operate the electronic barrier....so I sat inside the tiny checkpoint and looked through the tiny panes of glass to see when my partner had finished checking the cars and to open the barrier for them.....so to keep myself amused and entertained,I took out my copy of Wizard the comic magazine and started reading it.........I got to this really interesting article on the Upcoming Justice League series when the shit hit the fan.....

There were two cars coming toward my checkpoint,one behind the other......so my friend stood infront of the barrier and checked the first car...everything was in order so he gave me the signal and I opened the barrier......the second car was right behing so I could'nt just close the barrier right in front of the 2nd car once the first car passed...so I left it open and the 2nd car moved passed the line of the barrier,with 3/4 of its metal body passed the line of the barrier.........so my friend checked the car and everything was ok...so he gave him the signal to leave and as he started his engine.......from My angle it looked like the entire car was already past the line of the barrier so it was safe to close the barrier and get back to more important things like reading my Justice League article......

So this is how it went down:

Me reading in Checkpoint.

".....The Justice League's new line-up stands revealed as writer Brad Meltzer and artist Ed Benes prepares to usher in a all new Era for DC's premier super team.....Wizard takes a look at the new members of the league, Vixe,Former model Mari Jiwe Mcabe joined the Ill-fated Justice League Detroit but left the team shortly after members Vibe and Steel were killed.The Red Tornado...An Artificial Andr......"

I Hear the driver starting his engine....everything fine...let's press the button and get back to the article....I press the button and continue...the barrier goes down....

"..oid created by evil scientist To Morrow. A living elemental trapped within the shell of its android Body. Green Lantern Aka Hal Jordan, the greatest green Lantern on Earth,appointed protector of sector 2814 by the guardians of Oa and Roy Harper,former protege of Green Aarr..."

BANG!!!

I hear the sickening thud of metal heating metal. 1 split second Later.....My partner screams:"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRY!!!!!!!"

I turn up from my magazine and look and I saw The car's roof wedged under the barrier.DAMN.

I open the barrier,inspected the car (luckily there was only one tiny little dent!!)and called my Officer on the comm set to move his ass down to the scene to bail my ass out.Lucky thing the driver was very calm and collected and did'nt make a big fuss......so my officer came talked with the guy,took down his name and told him to drive his car to my main HQ........and he escorted them with his vehicle...

My Friend and I stood there completely stunned by the incident...10 mins later....my RP vehicle came down dropping two other RPS and my seargent tells me:"They're here to Relieve you for now...The OC(OFFICER IN CHARGE) willl see you in his office NOW.My balls went straight up to my throat...so me and my partner boarded the vehicle and headed for the OC's office.

Well....It turns out that the driver is a pretty swell guy and he doesn't want to file a report or blow things up......so My OC said that it's won't be a big matter and he lectures us on using the right procedures and stuff and that there will be no corporal punishment involved.....and throughout it all I just stood there with my head look downwards,nodded my head and answered ":yessir,yessir...."

If He had said:"You're an asshole, and I'm gonna deduct your entire months pay,shit in your boots,wipe my mucus with your beret,take your first born child,rip out the hairs on your legs and make a fur coat...use your comics as toilet paper and line my bird cages..." and I would have still nodded and said "Yessir,yessir.."...hahahaha....its best to keep quiet and admit your mistake when you're in the wrong.......luckily the tactic worked...

At the end of the lecture....He asked:"Do you two admit that it was your mistake?"...."Yes." sez us..."Are both of you willing to compensate him?"..."yes" again......so he said"well fine then...it's settled...just a matter of money then."

Haiz...anyway Me and the other guy were to write and give our statements to the OC and he said he would contact us with the when and where to make the payment.......dammit...I was supposed to get a $20 pay increase this month because I completed my first year of NS.....now It's gonna be an effing paycut.......hahah...still I guess it could have been worse...the driver could have made a big fuss abt it and go straight up to My CO or E-mail the base commander and I might have been sent to a place where dropping soap is not recommended....hahahha

Damn bloody Justice League article...why the hell did it have to be so engorssing and interesting?!??!Who the hell can pay attention to operating an electronic barrier when stuff like Red Tornado's soul is being transplanted to a human body and Mr Miracle having a twin Brother,Dr Impossible is revealed?!??!hahahaa........

Onto other things now......on my progress on the artistic front of things......Nadda.Zilch.zero.Hahahah no progress at all.....I can hear everyone heaving a sign of relief at not having to go through my rambling abt my art...hahhahaa
Now Let's dive into happier stuff........to Celebrate my 1st year Anniversary on the 10th of sept which is also my pay day...I bought the Huge Ass, Definitive, Large-sized Hardcover,"Absolute" edition of my Favorite Comicbook Story ever......The Dark Knight returns........This book is so big you could knock somebody out with it......hahhaha....things are coming full circle...when I first enlisted,after my 2 weeks of confinement....the first thing I did was buy the "Absolute" hardcover edition of Batman:Hush...another famous Batman story.....hahaha
This sucker costs $170.....when I went to the counter to pay....the guy saw the price tag and looked at me in disbelief......then he looked at the price tag again and then he looked back at me in disbelief again and stuttered:"....Errrrrr.......You're.....you're buying this??"
Oh No I'm not ,Einstein!!!...I carried this heavy goddamn 5 kg hardcover all the way to the cashier counter cos I wanted to work on my biceps!!I read in Men's health that carrying 5 kg hardcovers to the cashier counter and back will give you biceps of steel!!! OF COURSE I WANT TO BUY IT YER NUT!!!
So Anyway he says...."Are you a member?......eeerrr...I highly recommend you join if you're not cos if you pay $21 and get the card...I'll give you your 10% discount right now....which amounts to $17....so in actuality you'll be really only paying $4 for the membership."
Needless to say...I'm now a card carrying member of Kinokuniya......ahhahahaa
But anywaysthe money is all worth it to commemorate such an event like my 1st year in NS......by treating myself to this awesome hardcover of the best Batman story ever written........I think I raved about this story before in some of my other posts......This Is like my personal Bible ,I read it at least twice a year and if ever I was stranded on a desert island and could bring something along with me....this story would be it.....its that good....it's the story that defined Batman for the next two decades and made him cool again....
It was written and drawn by Frank Miller(sin city,Elektra,Daredevil,Big guy and Rusty,300) in 1986 and the story chronicled Batman Final case and featured a 55 year old Bruce Wayne(they aged him in real-time...since he was created in 1939,he would be 55 in 1986) coming out of a 10 year retirement to reclaim his city and bring order to it.....I've the softcover edition of this story and I've read it until the pages are almost falling off and I even have the entire set of figures dedicated to this story....hahaha...
I remembered having a big quarrel with Wenjun over one of our projects and scolded her...hahaha...and after that I went down to town for some retail therapy and got the entire set of figures....made my mood all better again.....hahaha....
Oh Yes read all about my titanic struggle with Wenjun,my detailed thoughts about the dark knight returns story in this gem I unearthed from my previous blog......
http://apokolips.blogspot.com/2004/08/tumultous-thursday.html
LOL.....I completely forgot that I gave Wenjun that particular nick name...hahhaa...Poopface,Chua Monkey....Goddamn I gave everybody nicknames back them......hahaha....interesting reading my old posts....they are like snap shots of a specific period of time.....hahaha...
Anyway, its september 11th today......and everyone in camp is praying that nothing major happens and no terrorist do anything stupid....because if they do....we're gonna have to stay in at our base for a long,long time.......anyway to commeorate this day, I finally watched Micheal Moore's documentary:Farenheit 9/11 on DVD(which i bought 1/1 a year ago but never got around watching it)......
Anyway the documentary is pretty good.....narrated in a sarcastic,entertaining manner.....it details the business connections between the Bush family and the Bin Ladens,How Bush's presidential victory over Al Gore was a hoax,how he lied to the entire nation to attack Iraq because of Weapons of Mass Destruction that never existed and the really touching scenes is the parts where they interview the families of those american soldiers who have died in Iraq because of the lies and stupidity of some of the decisions made.......
Did you guys know:
1.) Bush's oil company count the Bin Ladens among one of its biggest financiers
2.) Al Gore had won the elections but FOX news prematurely declared that Bush was the victor of the presidency and the other network thought FOX infor was right......turns out the guy in charge of FOX is Bush's cousin....
3.)The army recruited the most people to join the army and go die in IRAQ by specifically targetting the smalest l,poorest towns where the people were poor,uneducated,unemployed and were raised to think that the Militray would be the only way they could make a living......
4.)Bush allowed all members of the Bin Laden family to be flown out of the US after the attacks when usuallly the sane course of action would be to detain the family members in order to try and get useful info from them....rather then send your only useful possible informants out of the country...
5.)George Bush cut all military personnel's pay by 33% during the war in Iraq and for a perticular soldier who died in combat....the Government send his family his final pay check...but deducted five days worth of pay from the amount cos he did'nt show up for work for the last five days of the month......cos he had died exactly five days prior to the end of the month....now that's cold.....
It's a nice documentary all in all....thought provoking....
Anyway some final thoughts......my condolences to Steve Irwin's family........I was damn shocked when I heard he died.......I don't really follow his shows religiously but I always thought he was great.....he seemed very genuine,very passionate and madly in love with animals.......and watching his shows beats watching all those stupid and dry animal documentaries like "the mating of sperm whales" or shit like that any day of the week........the news Bummed me out to be honest....I always thought he was a really colorful character.....a great showman to the end.......
As of today......I have packed all my things from my current airbase and transported all my stuff back to my old airbase....my attachment period is at an end..........mixed feelings..just when you settle in...they tear you out again.........I heard things are turning for the worse in my old air base.....and I might have to go through a week of On the Job training.......7mths after I graduated as an RP and I still have to go through this amateur shit?! I barely survived the last OJT with my sanity intact...........but I've been through this shit before,not the first time they play us for fools......Bring it on and get it over with I say.......
I actually had like this entire week off....but of course it was too good to be through......the management can change your plans anytime they want...my 7 day off has been cut to 4 days and the rest of the 3 days is retraining........but at least its better then nothing....
1 more year till I am free of this endless and monotonous lifestyle........but I'm really Looking forward to it!!
See I can end my posts with a positive note some times......hahaha
Now If you'll excuse me......its time for me to go Devour My New Hardcover edition of DKR.........I bid one and all Adieu....

6:45 AM